What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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