i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
