Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Enjoy the penises
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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