Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
