She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
