I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
