we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
In other news, I just burned my penis
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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