apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
