we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize