He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
