Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
