Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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