Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
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We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
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I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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