"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
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just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
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There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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