Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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