She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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