I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
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Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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