Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We have started to decorate penises.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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