Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
