I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
