I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
