Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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