you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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