weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
