is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize