explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize