Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
