I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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