As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
