I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
