apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
