Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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