you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
