I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
