I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
