hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
