She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
