HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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