I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
