Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
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You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
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jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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