You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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