he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Fuck appropriateness.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
