my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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