new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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