I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
