i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
