I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
