Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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