Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize