then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
