life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
