the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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