this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
