Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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