Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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