i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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