I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
