remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
