I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
