Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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