youre lurking in front of me
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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